Marvel Has Some Really Bad Superpowers, But These Are the 10 Worst

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The Marvel
Universe is home to many of comics’ greatest superpowered characters. Hundreds of heroes and villains have been bestowed god-like powers to change the world as they see fit. However, not every superpower is as super as the rest. Whether they’re self-destructive, explosively violent, or simply lackluster, many Marvel powers honestly just suck. While most dream of being given superpowers, some of these abilities will certainly change minds.

The thing is, despite these powers’ obvious faults, bad superpowers can be incredibly fun. During the Golden Age of comics, weekly releases meant more stories; eventually, the ideas run dry. But with time, a lot of the subsequent silly choices provide a good laugh today. That said, even modern comics have been both blessed and cursed with ridiculously stupid superpowers that, oftentimes, still serve to move the plot forward. These 10 truly awful superpowers are as bad as powers come, but at least they’re still funny to laugh at.

1

US Archer (Ulysses Solomon Archer)

Superpower: CB Radio Skull

US 1, or US Archer, is one of Marvel’s surprisingly non-zero number of trucker-themed superheroes. After his trucker parents were killed in a car accident, Ulysses grew up to make them proud by becoming a trucker himself. One day, Ulysses was run off the road himself, resulting in a near-fatal brain injury. To save his life, an experimental metallic alloy replaced US Archer’s skull, thus granting him an array of new, technological, powers.

Thanks to his new skull, Archer can tune in to any CB radio frequency while using the filings in his teeth to change transmissions. While this had made Ulysses notably weaker to magnets, his dense head doubles as a lethal weapon. But, US Archer is more than just his literal chrome dome. Archer is a talented engineer who has used his education to modify his big rig with numerous weapons. If the hero is truly in a bind, he’ll pull out a trusted stick of bubblegum, which he can use to connect multiple filings and unleash a psychic CB blast.

2

Filthy Frankie (Francis Zapruder)

Superpower: Empathic Sweat

This Marvel mutant is also a mutant mob boss based out of District X,
Marvel’s mutant-specific slum
community. Frankie’s mutant ability causes him to constantly and profusely sweat. However, instead of sweating a water-based mixture, Filthy Frankie can emit various airborne chemicals based on his mood at the time. If Frankie’s having a great time, he can smell like sweet, delicate, fragrances. If he’s angry, expect this mobster to smell as foul as sewage.

Despite his nefarious criminal ways, Frankie has never actually used his power in combat. He, like many mob bosses, prefers to have his goons do the heavy lifting while he listens to his favorite tunes. But, best believe that Filthy Frankie is always pretty heated, thus subjecting those around him to the most profuse smells possible. This problematically potent criminal seriously needs to invest in deodorant or therapy, otherwise he becomes everybody’s inconvenient problem.

3

Carol Campbell

Superpower: Fire Generation

On paper, Carol has an amazingly iconic power. Like the
Human Torch or Firebird
, Carol can naturally generate flames that engulf her body with a roaring blast. However, unlike these fiery heroes, Carol is not immune to her flames’ heat. Every time she activates her power, the poor mutant is consumed by her flames. Hypothetically, her flames would continue to scorch the young woman until there was no more fuel to burn.

Understandably, Carol refuses to talk about her powers, let alone use them. Not only is she not resistant to her flames, but once ignited, Carol is subjected to excruciating agony. As expected, her power is just as damaging to her body as it is to her nervous system. Like many of
Marvel’s disenfranchised mutants
, Carol lives in District X but still refuses to acknowledge her powers. To some, Carol seems ashamed of her mutant heritage. In truth, being a mutant is nothing but pain for Carol Campbell.

4

Almighty Dollar (J. Pennington Pennypacker)

Superpower: Currency Generation

Okay, look… The power to essentially summon free money is incredibly enticing, but this hero’s fiscally advantageous power is more inconvenient than it’s worth. Before gaining his superpowers, J. Pennypacker was just an everyday accountant with troubling self-esteem issues. Pennypacker decided to attend a camp to help him find the confidence he needed, but, unfortunately, it was secretly run by a mad genius who conducted dastardly experiments on the campers.

Unlike his fellow campers, who gained super speed, probability assessment, and a powerful gut, the Almighty Dollar can, in his own words, “apparently ‘throw money’ at the problem.” However, Pennypacker isn’t shooting wads of dollar bills out of his wrists, he shoots pennies. Admittedly, Pennpacker’s pennies pack a serious punch. In combat, the unsuspecting mutate fired pennies at an incredibly high speed and ultimately defeated his villainous camp leader. Still, while the Almighty Dollar is probably successfully rich by now, it must have taken him ages to roll up and deposit his many pennies.

5

Fluff

Superpower: Belly Button Lint Generation

Writer Peter Milligan and artist Mike Allred’s
X-Statix and X-Cellent series
is a satirical series that pokes fun at some of the ludicrous powers some of Marvel’s mutants have. Nearly every character in this series possesses some inconvenient or odd power that the X-Men may not have a place for. Among this team is Fluff, a mutant with the power to generate unlimited belly button lint. Additionally, Fluff can consciously alter the chemic state of his lint, which he often manifests as some sort of spectral smoke.

Despite his odd powers, Fluff is probably one of the X-Men’s most confident heroes. Throughout his short stint in X-Cellent, the mutant repeatedly boasts that “the ladies love [his] powers.” Almost singlehandedly obsessed with impressing “babes,” Fluff often undermines the team’s leader, Zeitgeist, for the sake of his personal conquests. Just a few short issues after his debut, Fluff was killed when Zeitgeist had Fluff teleported above the Amazon, where he fell thousands of feet before hitting the ground.

Superpower: Localized Time Manipulation

Another unfortunate mutant on this list, Gabriel Cohuelo’s deceptive power makes him look like a speedster at first glance. From an outside perspective, Gabriel can move at incredible speeds. However, his true mutant ability allows him to slow down time around him. While his power is impressive in concept, he does lack many of the applied abilities that speedsters can pull off, including the ability to walk on water. Still, the power to slow down time is amazing. That is, if it wasn’t for one major drawback.

While Velocidad slows down time around him, he cannot apply that power to himself. As time outside his bubble moves at a snail’s pace, Gabriel experiences time at normal speed. When his mutant abilities first manifested, Gabriel couldn’t release the power. Trapped inside his pocket of time, Gabriel naturally aged for months until Hope Summers stabilized his powers. However, while Hope did help Velocidad at the moment, every time he uses his abilities, he continues to rapidly age. During
the Krakoa era
, Gabriel was later experimented on by Mister Sinister as to apply the mutant’s abilities to Sinister’s Moira Engine.

7

Walrus (Hubert Carpenter)

Superpower: Proportional Walrus Abilities

Before Walrus gained his incredible walrus-like abilities, he was little more than a lazy, uneducated, individual with nothing going for him. After his mad-scientist uncle used experimental technology to grant Hubert super strength and durability, Hubert officially called himself the Walrus and took to a life of low-level crime. The villain often boasts that his powers have granted him the proportionate strength, endurance, and speed of a walrus, which technically admits that he’s quite a bit slower than the average person.

When Walrus first made his “super” villainous debut, he teamed up with fellow animal-themed villains like Frog-Man and White Rabbit. Expectedly, Walrus has not been a particularly successful villain. He has
encountered Spider-Man
, Deadpool, and Spider-Woman in the past, but each time he comes up short and back in prison. Walrus does get an iota of credit, however, because his rainbow W on his chest is kind of cute. But, that’s about it.

8

Manhattan

Superpower: Compass Power

During the Spider-Man storyline Spider-Island, the Jackal returned to unleash a swarm of genetically engineered bugs upon New York City. Soon, heroes, villains, and everyday citizens within range were given the full set of Spider-Man’s powers. However, in time, those affected by the Jackal’s attack eventually turn into monstrous arachnid creatures. Soon, most of Manhattan had been turned into gargantuan spiders, leaving Mister Fantastic the only mind capable of finding a solution.

Reed Richards realized that the Jackal’s insects only affect those without powers already. Instead of working to find a way to remove the insects’ toxins, Reed developed a vaccine that would give the people of Manhattan a low-level superpower to counteract the toxin. Soon, the entire borough gained the magnetic ability to directionally know where North is at all times. That’s right, Reed Richards saved Manhattan by giving everyone the power of a compass. If anyone goes camping, they may actually get a use out of their power.

9

U-Go Girl (Edith Sawyer)

Superpower: Narcoleptic Teleportation

U-Go Girl is another fantastic addition to the works of Peter Milligan and Michael Allred, who love to create new mutants with the worst possible powers. Since childhood, Edie Sawyer struggled with recurring narcoleptic episodes. Trapped in a small town and desperate to leave, when Edie’s powers first manifested after one of Edie’s episodes, she later woke miles outside her hometown. Learning that she had developed mutant powers,
Edie joined X-Force
as one of its newest odd mutants.

In U-Go Girl’s defense, her teleportation powers are godly. She seems to have no discernible limit to her ability’s range, effectively allowing herself to teleport anywhere in the universe. However, every time Edie uses her powers, she immediately falls into a narcoleptic episode; the farther she teleports, the longer she sleeps. For a while, Edie believed that drinking copious amounts of coffee would free her from this downside. Instead, she was just jittery and still narcoleptic.

10

ForgetMeNot (Xabi)

Superpower: Unmemorability

Who are we talking about again? ForgetMeNot is probably
the X-Men franchise’s
most well-known, but oddly unrecognizable, problematically powered mutants. Thanks to his mutant ability, any time someone looks away from Xabi, they instantly forget he exists. However, it’s not just a basic memory issue, it’s as if he ceases to exist entirely. ForgetMeNot’s power is so overwhelmingly powerful that Charles Xavier had to install a psychic reminder to remember ForgetMeNot once an hour.

ForgetMeNot has been one of
the X-Men’s leading heroes
pretty much every step of the way. He fought alongside his allies against the alien Brood. He served as a soldier during the Age of X storyline. He’s even taken down a few Super-Sentinels on his own. Most impressively, ForgetMeNot valiantly sacrificed himself for Krakoa and effectively staved off Nimrod’s invasion. Yet, despite everything this hero has done for the X-Men, nobody has ever helped him overcome his power’s limitations, often because they forget they’re supposed to.

“}]] These superpowers aren’t worth the pain.  Read More