Hoo boy, Marty is at it again! Martin Scorsese recently set off the Marvel Cinematic Universe fandom by saying… uh, look, I don’t know what exactly he said this time, but everyone’s going on about it again, having the same arguments about the merits of art vs. box office. While there’s no way to tell for certain what everyone’s upset about, one thing we are pretty positive about is that you’re not going to see Scorsese using any Marvel characters in his movies anytime soon. Which is a shame, because we have some pretty good ideas about how most of his movies could be improved with some participation from the iconic lineup of heroes and villains. Which Martin Scorsese movie would benefit the most from a super hero or two? Keep reading and find out!
26. Kundun
Oof almighty there’s no way this movie about Tibet is going to have any place in the Marvel Universe. Best to keep all MCU characters as far away from this one as possible.
25. The Last Temptation Of Christ
Too controversial. Disney would not care for being attached to this in any way. Save all that Jesus imagery and edginess for the Snyderverse.
24. Goodfellas
Spoiler Alert: in the end, Henry Hill defeats the criminals by using his time stopping powers. This one doesn’t need superheroes because it already has one.
23. New York, New York
The movie takes place the day after World War II ended. If it timed its moment better, Captain America could have appeared. Perhaps the Eternals can fit in there somewhere?
22. Mean Streets
Surprise, surprise, another movie of Martin’s that takes place in New York. But what if instead it takes place in Wakanda? One could say that Wakanda is a character in the Marvel Universe itself. Or what about Danny The Street? Is that MCU?
21. Silence
These Priests would have had better luck saving their mentor if Iron Man was there. Just Saying.
20. Who’s Knocking At My Door
Martin Scorsese being the great writer he is, never bothered to give the second biggest main character in the movie a name so she is just credited as “girl”. This is the perfect chance to make her revealed to be She-Hulk villain.
19. Bringing Out The Dead
First off, despite the title, not even a zombie movie. It’s just some guy driving around in an ambulance. Dr. Strange heals people plus he fights zombies so it’s a clear answer to what this movie needs.
18. Casino
If Spider-Man shows up at the casino to fight the mobsters, one of the henchmen can quip to the teenage superhero, “Sorry, no minors allowed” and get a huge laugh.
17. The Irishman
The leaked behind the scenes photo for The Irishman shows Robert DeNiro wearing crazy platform shoes to make himself look taller. You know who else changes sizes? Ant-Man. Imagine the wacky hi-jinks of Ant-Man battling it out against a guy with size changing shoes!
16. After Hours
The wacky hi-jinks of this down-of-his-luck yuppie in New York would be a great improvement if Thanos showed up. He could be like “Can this night get any worse?” and then suddenly Thanos snaps him away.
15. Hugo
Sacre bleu! It is Paris, only some years before WWII! What a fitting time to sneak in Red Skull and the rest of Hydra!
14. Boxcar Bertha
This rag-tag group of fugitives can use a wise cracking Rocket Raccoon. Since it is the 1930’s, they can sync scenes up to their own version of Awesome Mix Vol.1 with classic depression era songs like ‘Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries’ and ‘I Like Bananas (Because They Have No Bones).’
13. The Age Of Innocence
This can be a prequel to Age of Ultron.
12. The Color Of Money
Picture this: The expert pool player Paul Newman versus the expert archer Hawkeye. Who has better aim at making a thing hit another thing? What great threat will cause them to team up?
11. Gangs Of New York
Another historical piece. That means the best bet is to bring in The Eternals! It would greatly improve the movie to see where a buff Kumail Nanjiani stands on the feuds with Irish immigrants.
10. Shutter Island
This one would be great if it turned out to be the trappings of Mysterio or Loki!
9. Cape Fear
The villain likes to climb under cars, Spider-Man likes to climb on walls. The possibilities for these two are endless!
8. Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
At the beginning of the movie Alice is living in New Mexico. You know what other movie takes place in New Mexico? Thor. It writes itself!
7. The Aviator
Howard Hughes’ greatest nemesis is germs, but lacks the conflict to make germs seem threatening. If Ant-Man and Howard team up to shrink down and fight the germs in the Quantum Mania, now we’re talking!
6. The Wolf Of Wall Street
Stan Lee can cameo as a talking quaalude.
5. The Departed
Having a movie take place in Boston was a bold, experimental choice for Scorsese which would have been even better if there was a Boston Vision or Boston Black Widow to pick a fight in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot.
4. Killers Of The Flower Moon
Both Robert DeNiro and Leonardo DiCaprio appear in this film, making it the millionth film of Scorsese to include both actors playing roles. Now is the best time to reveal that each of their previous characters are related through the multiverse and are fighting Kang The Conqueror.
3. The King Of Comedy
Rupert Pupkin is such a hysterical comedian. He belongs with literally any Marvel character for help. Those guys always know the perfect quip to say. The perfect team up for Deadpool for one of his always hilarious dick jokes!
2. Taxi Driver
Just replace Travis Bickle with baby Groot. All those narrations about society that first year film students love so much can be wonderfully replaced with “I am Groot” over and over as a tree drives around the city.
1. Raging Bull
Jake LaMotta is a boxer, so imagine how much better it would be if we saw him face off against the Hulk. Better yet, when he gains weight he is just like when Thor gained weight! Those two should have teamed up for the final battle. Plus it’s in black and white so clearly Scarlet Witch is up to this!
We are pretty positive that you’re not going to see Scorsese using any Marvel characters in his movies anytime soon, which is a damn shame. Read More